Self-Hate. We do it all the time. It’s something to appeal to the justice side of our minds. “I deserve this because I did this..”Through thoughts, words, and eventually actions. We look at ourselves with a magnifying glass on every flaw. Every flaw. I had made a mistake of hurting someone emotionally. I felt awful and the only way I felt that I could fix it was by self-hating and self punishing. I wasn’t as bad as Dobby, but it still wasn’t good. I told myself that I hated me. And that I didn’t deserve anything. So I slept on the floor that night. The next couple of days I was fine and really busy so I was distracted until my brother said something mean and it wasn’t really that bad, but because I told myself that I hated me, I took it harder than I should. I wondered if everyone hated me and why I was so annoying and bossy. I didn’t read my scriptures and that didn’t help either. Throughout my self hating thoughts, thoughts of people who I knew loved me appeared in my head. I knew He was listening. He was aware of what I said and I needed to talk to Him and fix this. In fact, one of my dreams included a friend of mine telling me to talk to my Heavenly Father. But I was lazy and disregarded it. Until Sunday where I realized I didn’t want to hate myself, it was just something automatic to make the mistake seem… taken care of I guess. I looked up on Pinterest (of course) to find ways to fix my self hate. And I did. But before I share that, I talked to my Father in Heaven I apologized and let him in on my deepest desires. But I let Him know that He has to help me fight this or I know I’m not going to beat it. I read my Patriarchal Blessing and felt loved. Love counteracts Hate. Here are the steps I found
I’m on #1 right now. I will take each step each week… I may need more time with certain ones and that’s ok. My Savior is with me. I know once I’ve “completed” these steps I won’t be done and over with learning to love myself. This will be a constant work in progress and on some days I will need to remind myself.
All self hate does is hurt you from the inside. You don’t believe anyone loves you and that’s the total opposite. Self hate is Satan’s perfect poison. You do all the work and eventually leave the Father because you don’t feel “worthy.” Truth is, none of us are really “worthy” but God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice make us worthy. They cleanse us and beg for us to talk to them. They hate to see you in pain.
Christ did not suffer and bleed for someone to claim their “unworthiness” of His love. He died and suffered for everyone to feel like they weren’t alone. That sacrifice just doesn’t go away. Each person has beautiful talents that make us unique and help us serve others. Christ is the ultimate judge. Not you or anyone else. He loves you. And wants you to be happy and with Him. End of story.
~be the reason you smiled today~